When Kendall Jenner says she’s realised “your words can manifest into physical form,” she’s not wrong. During fashion month — when she’s flitting between Paris, Milan, and New York, often battling the anxiety that comes with being seen and scrutinised — her quiet backstage ritual is less about makeup or meditation, and more about self-talk.
Jenner says; “I really believe in the power of self-talk. I have this part of my mind that’s very negative thinking. But I’m working on that all the time.”
It’s the simplest, freest wellness tool there is: what you say to yourself when no one’s listening.
In Smarter, I wrote about this in the section I called “The Hype Woman.” It came from a realisation that I was hate-speaking to myself — quietly, consistently, and automatically. The words were savage, the tone relentless. I would never have spoken that way to a friend, or to anyone I loved, but I’d somehow accepted that my own internal monologue was allowed to be cruel. It was only when I changed the way I spoke to myself that everything else began to shift.
Like Kendall, I realised that success driven by comparison or scarcity — trying to prove something to others — doesn’t last. What does last is an internal belief system built on abundance: doing things for yourself, speaking to yourself with encouragement, and taking up space because you know you deserve to.
Becoming Your Own Hype Woman
The hype woman isn’t about cheesy mantras or pretending everything’s fine. It’s not just being “nice” to yourself; it’s about consciously rewriting your inner dialogue until it’s useful — supportive, rational, and rooted in self-belief. I once heard a confidence coach on a podcast who was so brimming with certainty that I imagined how different my life would feel if she narrated it. So I created my own version of her.
Beyoncé has Sasha Fierce; mine was a voice that could step in when the inner critic got loud. A ghost, a coach, a cartoon — whatever helps you distance yourself from the voice that doubts you. And yes, research supports this. Psychologists at the University of Michigan found that speaking to yourself in the third person — “You’ve got this, Emily,” rather than “I’ve got this” — creates measurable reductions in stress and helps people make calmer, more objective decisions. It tricks the brain into seeing yourself with the same empathy and perspective you’d offer someone else. This echoes findings from psychologist Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan, whose studies on “distanced self-talk” show that referring to oneself by name reduces stress, increases emotional regulation, and promotes wiser decision-making under pressure. In a 2014 study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Kross found that people who used third-person self-talk managed anxiety-inducing tasks with greater calm and confidence — their physiological stress responses were significantly lower.
If that feels abstract, try this: write down the things you say to yourself when you’re under pressure. Read them aloud as if you were saying them to your best friend. Would you? Probably not. Then rewrite them. Strike through the cruelty and replace it with what you would say to her. “You always mess things up” becomes “You care deeply, and that’s why this matters to you.” It’s not toxic positivity — it’s training your inner voice to be accurate instead of abusive.
This small act of editing our thoughts mirrors the process of cognitive restructuring, a cornerstone of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). The principle: thoughts shape feelings, and feelings shape behaviour. Change the thought, and you change the outcome. It’s a deceptively simple but deeply powerful mechanism for reframing self-perception.
In neuroscience terms, self-talk activates the brain’s default mode network — the system responsible for introspection and self-referential thought. Studies show that intentionally positive self-talk stimulates areas associated with reward and motivation, such as the ventromedial prefrontal cortex. Over time, this repetition forms new neural pathways — a process known as neuroplasticity — meaning that practicing constructive inner dialogue can literally rewire the brain toward optimism and resilience.
The Science of Self-Talk
Kendall’s belief that words “manifest into physical form” might sound mystical, but neuroscience backs her up. Studies published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin and Frontiers in Psychology show that positive self-talk can lower cortisol levels, improve focus, and increase performance under pressure — from athletes to surgeons to CEOs.
Psychologists call this the self-reference effect: our brains are more likely to encode and act on statements we repeat internally. When those statements are positive, they literally reshape the neural pathways that determine how we think and behave.
And there’s the negativity bias — our tendency to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. It’s an evolutionary quirk, but it means our default mode is to criticise, catastrophise, and compare. Overcoming it requires deliberate effort. In Smarter, I wrote:
“Remember that our brains have a negativity bias. We are wired to focus on negative memories and experiences more than neutral or positive ones. You have to make a concerted effort to focus on the good — and if you’re struggling, that’s totally normal.”
In other words, optimism isn’t naivety; it’s a discipline.
Feeding the Right Wolf
I often think of a Cherokee story I included earlier in the book — the one about the two wolves. One represents envy, self-pity, and fear; the other joy, kindness, and faith. The wolf that wins is the one you feed.
Self-talk is feeding. It’s constant nourishment — for better or worse — and the voice you choose to listen to determines how you show up in the world. When you learn to feed the right wolf, you become more resilient, more creative, and more grounded.
That’s why I always say: become your own hype woman.
When you tell yourself you’re capable, the mind begins to look for evidence that proves it. When you repeat kindness, you start to act accordingly. When you encourage yourself through uncertainty, you build what Brené Brown calls “grounded confidence” — the kind that isn’t about bravado but about knowing your own abilities because you’ve tested them.
From the Runway to Real Life
You don’t have to walk a L’Oréal runway to need a hype woman. The rest of us have our own versions of fashion week — the presentation you’re nervous about, the pitch you’re scared to give, the day you feel like an imposter in your own life.
In those moments, the words you choose become your tools. Say them out loud. Whisper them in the mirror. Write them on the back of your hand if you must. Because the truth is, no one else is going to hype you as consistently as you can hype yourself — and you deserve a voice in your head that’s on your team.
So whether you’re backstage in Paris or at your kitchen table before a meeting, take a cue from Kendall Jenner. The trick isn’t about taming the noise around you — it’s about tuning the one inside you. And the good news? You already have everything you need to do it.
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